


oh, the things i do for you (the bubbler remix)

by isadorator



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Clubbing, Cosplay, Double Entendre, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Humor and Crack, PSA disguised as a fic tbh, Remix, Semi-Public Sex, Sexting, birthday shenanigans, so much crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2016-11-30
Packaged: 2018-09-03 05:54:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8699911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isadorator/pseuds/isadorator
Summary: Nino wants to make sure Adrien, his new friend from university, has the best birthday ever. And if that means making some sacrifices...well, a bro's gotta do what a bro's gotta do (or, in this case, don't).





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Opaldreams1458](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Opaldreams1458/gifts).
  * Inspired by [One Night with you.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6113383) by [Opaldreams1458](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Opaldreams1458/pseuds/Opaldreams1458). 



> Thanks so much to [Hallie](http://archiveofourown.org/users/exosolarmoon/pseuds/clairelutra) for betaing this and special thanks to [Crispy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Zaphirite/pseuds/Zaphirite) for betaing this _and_ lending me [their human!Plagg concept from their fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7845676/chapters/17913316)! And if you want a translation of any French, simply hover your mouse over the text ;D

[me] I’m here!!!!

Nino looked up after sending the text, taking in the small art deco apartment building, and knocked on Adrien’s front door.

Any other guy his age would be lucky to have a flat in this building. But Adrien? He got all four stories, just for him.

It shouldn’t surprise Nino anymore. He visited enough times in the past few months for video games, late-night study sessions, and chilling. Adrien was an _Agreste_ ; his father was an international household name. His family had more than enough money to burn on premium property in the heart of Paris.

But as the door swung open, Nino couldn’t help feeling that Adrien would have been a lot happier if the rest of the rooms were filled with _neighbours_ and not _hired help_.

Like the scruffy man standing in front of Nino, boredom cast dramatically on his face.

“Plagg? What are you—shouldn’t _Wayzz_ be answering the door?” Nino asked.

Tall, thin, and sickly-looking, Plagg huffed. He stepped aside to let Nino in, his sweeping gesture somehow mocking _and_ indifferent. “Butler Boy is sick. And since _my_ kitchen has been taken over by those _party organizers_ , I said I’d cover for him.”

Nino frowned, glancing around the airy lobby. There were the house staff and some uniformed people, both groups working together to put up decorations. They hung pristine, elegant white drapes and placed vases with sprigs of baby’s breath wherever they could. It looked more like a bridal shower than something his best bro would want for a party.

“But it’s Adrien’s birthday. And you’re his _chef_.” Nino pulled off his toque and rubbed his short hair. “Shouldn’t you be, I don’t know, making a cake for him or something?”

Plagg’s smile was toothy and bitter, bags under his uncanny green eyes. His clothes and hair were usually messy, but he looked more dishevelled than usual.

“You make it sound like this was _his_ idea. _His_ party,” said Plagg.

Yeah, that wasn’t unsettling at _all_.

...And Adrien hadn’t said anything about his old man butting into his life again. When would he learn to stop bottling everything up?

“ _His_ cake—seriously, who would choose plain vanilla over _cheesecake_?” Plagg continued.

He was going on another one of his food rants—abort, abort, abort!!

Thankfully, Nino caught sight of Adrien coming down the actual, honest-to-god, spiral staircase.

“Dude, where the hell have you _been?_ ” Nino demanded, quickly meeting Adrien at the bottom of the stairs, unzipping his jacket as he went. “I know your house is big and all, but I hope you didn’t get lost.”

Adrien snorted, which was a good sign. It meant he was keeping his head while his father had someone micromanage everything involving him.

“No, I—uh, had a run-in with someone,” said Adrien. “It’s fine.”

Plagg cleared his throat loudly. Nino and Adrien turned their attention towards him.

“Hey kid, Nino’s here,” Plagg announced.

_Unbelievable_. 

Ignoring Nino’s dirty look, Plagg shrugged.

“He came a few minutes ago,” he added. And then waited, looking expectant.

...Really?

“ _Thanks_ Plagg,” said Adrien, the fond exasperation in his tone almost covering up Nino’s groan of disbelief. “We’re going upstairs. Please tell anyone who needs me to get you or Tikki...you know what, just get Tikki. She can handle it.”

“Got it, no interrupting the lovebirds.” With that, Plagg slunk away, off to do whatever he did when he wasn’t being a surprisingly competent, live-in chef.

“Why does _everyone_ insist we’re dating?” Nino asked as Adrien took his coat and toque. Hanging them in the hall closet, Adrien’s quiet chuckle rang through the lobby.

“We just look good together, I guess,” he said.

“Damn right we do,” said Nino, nodding firmly. Then he eyed Adrien. “You know, if you actually _dated_ someone for once—”

“Nope, nope, nope, don’t have time for that, NOPE,” Adrien said, running up the staircase with Nino laughing right behind him.

  


* * *

  


Adrien’s room was actually the entire top floor of the building; the walls of the original apartments were knocked down to make an open space. There were dedicated sections for sleeping and exercising, but they both quickly settled in the sitting area. Adrien stretched out on his massive couch, engrossed in some new strategy game on his DS (nerd), while Nino flipped through Adrien’s autographed copy of a collection of Silver Age Majestia comics (ultra nerd).

“Is this really how you want to spend your birthday?” Nino finally asked.

Adrien looked up from his game and shrugged. “I’d rather skip the party Father...yeah, if it wasn’t for that, this would be a great birthday.” He smiled. “I love spending time with you.”

How was Nino’s best friend such a sap? Something needed to be done.

“You should have an afterparty,” said Nino, putting down the comic.

Adrien frowned.

“You _deserve_ an afterparty,” Nino insisted. “I’m DJing at Rebondir tonight, you should come. We can invite Kim and Max too—you remember them from last semester, right? We’ll all have fun together and maybe meet some new people. God knows you’re going to need to let off steam after one of your _dad’s_ parties.”

“I don’t know...”

“Ah, but I didn’t tell you the best part.” Nino leaned forward and whispered, “Halloween means everyone wearing a costume gets half price on drinks.”

Adrien went very, very still and Nino knew he’d won.

  


* * *

  


Nino immediately cursed his own amazing persuasive skills when Adrien hopped up and dropped his DS, dragging Nino over to his walk-in closet.

His walk-in closet that apparently had a hidden stash of costumes.

“I always wanted to go to a con or something, but I couldn’t risk it with all the reporters following me everywhere and also my fans—”

Adrien was deep in his closet, pulling out boxes from the shelves above the hanger rack. They were filled with leather, nylon, synthetic feathers, chain mail, plastic armour—containing more fabrics and props than Nino could keep track of.

“—but I forgot Halloween is, like, the _one_ time of year where you can cosplay with no one looking at you funny for—FOUND IT!”

Nino’s eyebrows rose as Adrien triumphantly emerged from the pile of boxes. In his hands was [an authentic Spider-Man costume](http://s76.photobucket.com/user/Spidey4fun/media/Spidey4fun/FrenchSpidey.jpg.html) and he proudly held it against his body.

“See, this is perfect!” he crowed. “I can wear the mask, so no one will recognize me and my father won’t hear about it.” Adrien paused and blinked at Nino. “What’s your costume?”

Nino shook his head, bemused by Adrien’s nerd rampage, and pulled out his phone.

“Check it, I know a Pun Master like you will _love_ this.”

On the screen was the selfie Nino took when he first tried the costume on in the shop. The costume came in two parts: a false table hanging from straps secured over the shoulder and a lamp shade used as a hat.

“I’m a _one-night stand!_ ” Nino said. “Get it?”

Adrien looked at Nino’s shit-eating grin and slow horror dawned on his face. “Ni- _no_.”

“Ni- _yes_.”

“Okay, how about this—can you tell me _how_ , exactly, you’re going to get close enough to your equipment to DJ in that costume?” Adrien asked.

Nino paused, studied the photo, and calculated distances in his head before slapping a hand against his forehead.

  


* * *

  


After an even more thorough search of his closet, Adrien presented his patented nerd pick for Nino.

“You’re Donatello and you’re not gonna change my mind,” Adrien said stubbornly, handing Nino the bulky sweater and pants that _somehow_ made up his costume. Nino sighed and accepted his fate. He wondered if he had time to return his non-Adrien-approved costume before the store closed.

“Thanks,” he grunted. “Oh, and before I forget...” He fished out two concert tickets and placed them in Adrien’s hand. “Happy birthday, bro.”

Adrien lifted the tickets, jaw dropping. “Is this—?!”

“VIP tickets to Jagged Stone’s concert next week?” Nino finished smugly. He buffed his nails on his shirt. “Why yes, yes it is.”

Adrien stared, eyes watering, and Nino felt his heart lurch. Why such a strong reaction? “Nino, this is...this is way too much, I can’t—”

“Hey, no worries,” said Nino, ruffling Adrien’s hair. His bro was taller than him, but Nino made it work. “I know you love listening to that old dude and it’s not like _I_ paid for them. Alya’s covering the concert for her job, so she hooked me up.”

Slowly, pointedly, Adrien raised an eyebrow. Nino scowled.

“ _Don’t_ ,” said Nino. The other eyebrow rose and Adrien’s grin widened.

“Would this be the same Alya you have a crush on?” he drawled, leaning in as if to hear a secret.

Nino flushed and crossed his arms. “I am an _adult_ , I don’t get _crushes_ on people!”

Adrien waggled his eyebrows.

“Bro,” said Nino.

They waggled harder.

“ _Bro_.”

  


* * *

  


With Adrien’s fake birthday party starting soon, Nino left not long after that. Which was fine by him. It gave him enough time to get a refund on the one-night stand costume and prepare for the _real_ birthday party.

[me] Hey are you and Kim still free tonight?

[cliMAX] Yes, we’re both available.

[cliMAX] Why do you ask?

[me] It’s Adrien’s B-Day

[me] I’m going to take him to rebondir

[me] Wanna party with us?

[cliMAX] Kim is asking if we should bring a gift.

[me] If you have something sure

[me] If not just buy him a drink

[me] He’s pretty easy to please

[me] Also wear a costume he ducking loves costumes

[me] Fucking ****

[cliMAX] We’ll be there.

[me] Sweet

[cliMAX] Are you driving again?

[me] Yeah gotta get my gear over there

[cliMAX] May we please have a ride? The forecast is calling for rain tonight.

[me] Of course dude

With invitations arranged, Nino scrolled to the top of his contacts and tapped out a new text.

[me] Hey girl

[♥alya♥] sup babe

[me] Tiny change in plans

[♥alya♥] hmm

[me] Please don’t be mad

[♥alya♥] hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[me] It’s my bro Adrien’s B-Day and I want him to have a good time

[me] So I’m bringing him

[me] And some other friends too

[♥alya♥] lol ok u big softy

[♥alya♥] ill bring my bff

[me] cool

[♥alya♥] but remember i want a good time w/ u 2

[♥alya♥] also

[♥alya♥] _sent a .jpeg file!_ download?

[♥alya♥] how does my costume look

Clicking the link, Nino felt his mouth go dry.

God.

_Damn_.

[me] I didn’t think Majestia could get hotter

[me] But you proved me wrong

[me] Holy crap

[♥alya♥] ;D

[♥alya♥] c u soon ;D ;D ;D

This woman was going to be the death of him.

(Hopefully, if the night went well, it would be a little death.)

(...Dammit, he needed to stop hanging around Adrien.)

  


* * *

  


Patting the trunk of his rusting Renault, packed with a Tetris-like arrangement of his DJ equipment, Nino ducked back into his ground floor apartment to change into [his costume](http://www.trendhunter.com/trends/ninja-turtle-cosplay).

The green pants needed a belt, since they were supposed to match Adrien’s height, but the second part of the costume fit perfectly. What Nino _thought_ was a sweater was actually a thick, zippered hoodie. Its fabric was also green, but with a yellow belly in the front and a darker green shell pattern detailed on the back. The large hood even had a purple eye mask sewn on.

It was comfortable and warm, perfect for a cool, fall evening and easy to take off if the club got too hot. The design was simple and closer to everyday wear than the usual Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle costume. No bulky armour or a prop staff to lug around. Just Nino and _style_.

Honestly, how did Adrien get so _considerate?_

  


* * *

  


Picking up Kim and Max was simple enough with both sharing the same dorm. Kim, in his [cheap, store-bought Flash costume](https://www.costumecraze.com/p/JUST119-mens-second-skin-the-flash-adult-costume#tab=product_details&), and Max, in what looked like [high-tech roller derby gear](http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/dcandmarveluniverse/images/1/12/Gear.gif/revision/latest?cb=20100608153333), were easy to spot on the street.

“Heeeeey, ready to get this party started?” Kim asked as he tried to grab the front seat. Nino locked that door and unlocked the back.

“Nice to see you too, Kim,” said Nino. “But that’s my best bro’s spot.”

“Rats,” Kim said before joining Max in the backseat. He had to shove aside an empty can before could sit.

“Hello, Nino,” said Max, inclining his head.

“Hey, Max,” Nino replied. Then he turned around in his seat, squinting. “Uh, no offence dude...but what’s your costume supposed to be?”

Max took a deep breath and tried to push up his glasses before realizing the visor on his helmet got in the way.

“I’ve recreated the battle costume of Richard Osgood Foley aka Richie aka Gear, the crime fighting partner of Static Shock—”

“Superhero, right, got it,” Nino said as he turned his attention back to driving. He wondered if this was going to be a theme.

  


* * *

  


Picking up Adrien was a lot harder and took a lot longer. Which made Nino very grateful for the hoodie part of his costume while Kim and Max sat in spandex and hot-glued plastic.

Turning up the heater against the night's damp cold, Nino navigated the tiny side street Adrien’s building was on, which was now jam-packed with the expensive cars of Adrien’s—or, more precisely, his _father’s_ —guests of honour. All with hired drivers waiting for their employers or trying to drive away, tangling the traffic further.

...It wasn’t often Nino felt the difference in wealth between him and Adrien. They’d known each other for nearly a year, all the way back to when Adrien first threw off the shackles of home school and they both dove into the lives of university students. Adrien was hard-working and smart—a huge nerd with a soft heart—and Nino had come to appreciate his best friend.

However, there were times like this moment, when Nino was surrounded by nothing but folk just as rich as Adrien. It didn’t make a difference to how Nino felt about his best friend. But it did help him realize that there _was_ a difference between them. Sometimes in the big things, like a traffic jam made almost entirely of six-figure cars. Sometimes in the little things, like when Adrien admitted he had no idea how to mop a floor or that Nino answering the door for his own place seemed _strange_ to Adrien.

They hadn’t let it get in the way of their friendship. But it was there, an unarguable fact.

Like the fact that Adrien was already wearing his Spider-Man mask when he slipped into the front passenger seat.

(Nerd.)

“Hi, guys!” he said, pulling off his mask to reveal a wild grin, full of light and mischief. “Thanks for joining your friendly neighbourhood model tonight.”

And then he winked.

“Dude, are you already drunk?” Nino asked. Adrien waved a hand at him, dismissing any concerns.

“I’m fiiiiiiine. I had, like, two glasses of champagne,” said Adrien.

No swaying, no slurring...Adrien probably was fine.

Maybe.

“ _Nice_ ,” said Kim, high fiving Adrien, who tried to turn it into a thumb war. “Oh, you’ve done it now. You’re about to get _fucked up,_ birthday boy!”

“Hey! Watch it, I’m driving here!” Nino yelped as he dodged their flailing elbows.

In the rear-view mirror, he saw Max lean back into the seat, rolling his eyes at the tussle.

  


* * *

  


Even the cold, the dark, and the threat of rain on the horizon wouldn’t keep Rebondir’s costumed customers from lining up to get into the nightclub.

“How are we going to get in?” Max asked, squinting through the window at the line.

Nino’s mouth twitched up at Max’s frown. “I DJ here, remember? We’re all getting in.”

He kept driving, heading down a side street to park on the curb behind the club. Nino pointed to the back entrance, turning in his seat to flash them all a grin.

“Okay dudes, the price of entry is to help me get my gear inside. Adrien, as the guest of honour, has to hold the door open for us,” said Nino.

Kim groaned, Max sighed, and Adrien waved his hands.

“Um, I don’t think—” he began.

“TOO LATE,” Nino said, already opening his door. “C’mon, let’s get this inside.”

Reluctantly, the rest of the group joined him outside, Adrien quickly pulling on his Spider-Man mask to keep his anonymity.

Nino was always well prepared for his gigs and packed collapsible carts into the trunk as well. After setting those up, it took maybe five minutes to load the gear and wheel it over to the club’s back door, Adrien opening it with the key Rebondir’s manager lent Nino.

The backstage area wasn’t as loud as the main floor, the music muffled by walls and the boxes stacked against them. But strobe lights still cut through the dark and the bassline still shook the floor. Their group took a service elevator up to the top floor, where two little alcoves were built into the refurbished warehouse. This was where the club’s DJs set up their equipment; the one on the far left was still occupied by DJ Copycat.

Theo’s mixes weren’t bad, Nino conceded. But DJ Bubbler couldn’t wait to have everyone dancing to _his_ beat.

“Right, that’s good, just leave it here,” said Nino as his friends brought his gear in. He quickly arranged his mixer and samples, plugged everything in, reverently took off his headphones, and left them on top of the mixer, ready for their main purpose in life. “I’ll come back to you, baby,” he whispered.

“Nino?” Adrien snickered. Nino quickly straightened up and clapped his hands together.

“Alright men, I’ve got 20 minutes before I need to get ready for my shift, so let’s get this party started!”

  


* * *

  


The dance floor was packed with monsters, heroes, villains, animals, popular figures—hell, Nino thought he saw an _Adrien Agreste_ impersonator. He led the group away from that last guy and, with hard-won experience, guided their fledgling birthday party through the crowds and into the bar area.

He waved down Juleka, who was working tonight [in a leather jacket, bike shorts, and ripped tights](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/af/e2/be/afe2be3b243e3407e2ee7f6aa18e1e32.jpg). Her hair was pinned to look like it was chin length and she was blowing bubbles of chewing gum.

Adrien pushed his way to the front, almost bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“You’re Go Go, right?” he asked, excitedly. “From Big Hero 6?”

Juleka popped her bubble and smiled. “You got it in one, Spidey.” She turned to Nino. “Your friend has good taste.”

He just managed to keep making geeky friends, Nino thought, wisely keeping it to himself.

“I have good taste in friends,” he said instead, which was _definitely_ true. It felt nice to see the pleased smiles on Kim, Max, and Juleka’s faces while Adrien patted Nino’s head. Shaking off Adrien’s hand, Nino continued, “Anyway, I hope you guys know what you want because the first round’s on me.”

“1664!” Kim yelled as he slid onto a bar stool. Juleka chuckled and drew a half-pint of the beer for him.

“I’ll have a mimosa with grapefruit juice, please,” said Max. He stoically took Kim’s good-natured ribbing as he sat at the bar as well.

“And you, birthday bro?” Nino asked.

“What about you?” Adrien countered, spinning in his seat as he joined Max and Kim.

“If you recall, I start work in about ten minutes,” Nino said, wryly. “Not to mention that I’m _driving you all home?_ ”

“Oh, right,” said Adrien. “Uh...I guess I’ll take...tequila?”

“Give my man a double shot of tequila!” Nino announced, wrapping an arm around Adrien’s shoulders and shaking him. Juleka looked like she was swallowing a laugh as she slid Max his drink and measured out Adrien’s.

“One double shot of tequila...on the house,” she said, presenting Adrien his drink with a bowl of pretzels for their group to share. Her smile was small but pleased. “Happy birthday, Spidey.”

“Thanks, Go Go,” said Adrien before lifting a hand for fist bump. Juleka’s smile widened into a grin and she tapped her fist against his. In unison, they pulled their fists apart, wiggling their fingers and saying, “Balalalalalala!”

( _Nerds_.)

“Santé!” Kim shouted, forcefully clinking everyone’s glasses. Nino laughed as they all drank, Adrien lifting up the bottom of his mask to down the tequila in one quick movement.

“Whatever else my bro wants, put it on my tab,” Nino told Juleka, giving Adrien his own, less dorky fist bump. “I’ll join up with you guys as soon as my shift’s over. Happy birthday and don’t have too much fun without me!”

“We will~” Kim cackled. Nino shook his head, bemused, before setting off.

  


* * *

  


Alya was waiting for him at the backstage entrance.

Just like in her selfie, she was unfairly and _incredibly_ hot.

While Alya hadn’t bothered with a blonde wig, the rest of her [Majestia costume](http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/lady-bug/images/a/ae/CTEd1-UWEAA75xz.jpg_large.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20151105203214) was (as far as Nino’s untrained eye could tell) a prefect replica from the comics. Just like the superhero, Alya exposed no skin besides her face, neck, and the tops of her shoulders. But the tight fabric clung to every one of her curves, the wedged boots showed off her amazing calves, and there was just something Nino found really attractive about Alya looking like she could kick his ass any time she wanted.

(Not that she couldn’t already, but. _Still_.)

Judging by the self-satisfied smile on her face, she knew _exactly_ the effect she was having on him.

“Hey,” she said, leaning up to kiss his cheek. Nino wondered just how in the world he got so _lucky_. “Nice outfit, Donatello.”

“You know you dig it,” Nino shot back, wrapping his arms around her waist. He didn’t pull her against him. Not yet. “You’re into _mystery_.”

“Yes, I’m swooning over the secret message in your tortoise shell pattern,” Alya said dryly, playing with the zipper of his hoodie.

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Nino began with all the dignity he could muster. “I... _am a Ninja Turtle_.”

He could hear the giggle behind him even over the beat of the music and roar of the crowd. Nino turned around to catch a glimpse of a woman dressed as...[he didn’t recognize the costume](http://img00.deviantart.net/c4de/i/2015/167/f/8/black_cat____01_by_galaktikmermaid-d8xiyel.jpg) because he prided himself on not being a huge nerd like Adrien.

Whoever she was, the outfit looked professionally done. The shiny black fabric was expertly tailored to her figure, the white-haired wig was styled to look _real_ , the pointed eye mask was practically part of her face, and the white fur of her collar was strategically arranged to cover the cleavage of her low-cut catsuit.

“Catwoman?” he guessed. The girl’s mouth twitched, her red lips the only splash of colour in her monochrome outfit.

“Black Cat,” she corrected. “Sorry, I made this costume last minute...it really isn’t up to my usual standards.”

Nino tried not to stare at the perfectly made costume. He silently wondered what she could produce when the outfit _was_ up to her standards.

“ _Marinette_ ,” said Alya, looking entirely too amused as she pulled away. “Nino, this is my best friend. Marinette, this is Nino.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” said Marinette, taking his hand for a firm shake.

“Ditto,” he replied, trying not to wince at the strength of her grip. Then he caught a glimpse of his watch. “Shit, sorry ladies! I’d love to stay and chat but I got jams to pump!”

One quick kiss to Alya’s cheek and Nino disappeared backstage.

  


* * *

  


He liked the lull between shifts, when the music dropped low and slow, the soundwaves reverberating through his bones as the controls from one DJ booth switched over to the other. Nino put on his headphones and watched the crowd spread out. Some people left to get drinks or to take a break, while others joined or stayed, dancing in an intimate press of bodies.

The night was still young. The world shrank down to one small nightclub in Paris and Nino held the rhythm of it as it pulsed beneath his fingertips.

He started to play.

  


* * *

  


Lost in his music, Nino faded into the second song of his set, never realizing he had company until slender arms wrapped around his middle.

He jumped, headphones ripping off as he did his best not to ruin the bassline by jerking the slider. “A-Alya! Holy shit, don’t _scare_ me like that!”

“Then don’t leave me behind _like that_ ,” she said, looking completely unapologetic as he slung his headphones over his neck. Her gloved hands slid under his hoodie, tracing the skin under the band of his boxers. “You know, I was looking forward to spending time with you tonight.”

Nino’s fingers flew over his mixer, determined to ignore the heat curling down his spine and unfurling under Alya’s touch.

“Babe, you know I _love_ spending time with you _when I’m not working_ ,” he stressed. “And I know we said we’d hang out. But it’s my best friend’s birthday. I need to look out for him and make sure he has a fun night.”

“ _You_ can have a fun night too,” she countered.

It was a useful talent to be able to mix and talk at the same time. He tried to pick the right samples and keep cool as Alya rested her chin on his shoulder, her nails whispering circles under his costume.

“Alya,” said Nino, trying so hard to keep his voice steady. “ _Please._ You need to get out of sight before we both get into trouble. I’m not supposed to have anyone in here while I’m playing.”

“Hmmm, alright,” she said.

Nino felt relief well up in his bones. For once, Alya wasn’t going to sweet talk him into doing whatever crazy thing she wanted—

She ducked under his outstretched arms, placed herself in front of him, dropped down to her knees, and began unbuckling his belt.

This time, Nino _scratched_ the sample before quickly returning to the rhythm, incorporating it into his set.

“What are you _doing?!_ ” he hissed. He didn’t dare take his hands off the mixer long enough to gently push her aside. Not until the next lull between songs.

“Giving you a fun night, if you’re up for it,” she said, bluntly. Unbuttoning his green pants and pulling his zipper open, Alya tugged the fabric down, just a little. Barely enough to reveal his cotton-covered dick, soft and curled to the side.

It quickly began to harden under Alya’s intent gaze.

“We’re in public,” he said through gritted teeth. His fingers adjusted the sliders automatically as he swapped out another sample.

“That’s not a no,” she replied. Alya pushed up his hoodie to expose his stomach and kissed the space directly under his navel. Then she looked up, waggling her eyebrows at him.

Why was everyone _doing_ that today?

It wasn’t just the public exhibitionism. He was in the middle of work and he should be paying attention to Adrien tonight and—and—

Nino had kissed Alya. He’d held her. But neither of them had touched each other, not yet. And as much as he tried to deny it, he was _aching_ to take the next step.

“You’re right,” said Nino, face feeling hot. “It’s a yes.”

  


* * *

  


It turned out that playing a set while Alya happily sucked him off wasn’t impossible. Just...hard.

( _Adrien was a really bad influence._ )

  


* * *

  


“This is straight out of some raunchy crossover RP, huh?” Alya said. She neatly tucking his dick away, helping him get his clothes back in order as the music switched to the next DJ in the line-up. “Majestia blowing Donatello in the back of a nightclub.”

“Technically, we’re above it,” Nino replied, still reeling. Alya’s mouth and hands had been on _him_ , teasing, coaxing, caressing—

It was a little. Overwhelming.

“Details,” she said, waving her hand. “Do you need some help with this stuff?”

“Y-yeah.” Was there...? Oh shit, there was. He reached up to wipe the white smear still on the corner of Alya’s lips.

Her eyes were dark as she watched him, her head twisting to the side to nip at his thumb.

Nino bit the inside of his cheek and wondered how much further he could push this.

“We need to get it all to my car,” he finally said, pulling away.

It didn’t take long for him and Alya to gather the loose wires and push the carts to the back door. It was a little trickier to put all the equipment back in the trunk, but managed to get it down before it started to drizzle.

“We should head inside,” Alya said, holding a hand over her glasses to keep them free from raindrops.

They could make a run for the club, taking the service entrance back inside. Or they could hole up in Nino’s car.

His car parked on a deserted street.

With no one around but them.

Nino swallowed and opened the door to the backseat.

“You know...I can return the favour,” he said. “If you want.”

She smirked and climbed in, unzipping the red tailcoat of her costume as she got comfortable. “Marinette made my costume for me. She’s a fashion major and she’s always been about marrying form and function in her designs.”

Nino sat down beside Alya, locking the door behind him. “Really? That explains why her last-minute costume is so good.”

Another twitch of her lips and Alya threw the tailcoat at the driver’s seat.

“Majestia is supposed to wear a blue bodysuit under her tailcoat,” she said. “But Marinette thought it was more practical to have separate shirt and pants.”

_Oh._

Yeah, yeah...that would...make getting them off easier.

(He loved Adrien, but seriously. Worst. Influence. _Ever_.)

When Alya lay down on the seats, legs lazily spread open, Nino took the invitation for what it was and settled himself between them. He leaned over her, admiring how the glow from the streetlamps picked out the highlights in her hair and the blush on her cheeks

“Hey,” she said, looking up with laughter in her eyes.

“Hey,” he breathed and bent down to kiss her.

  


* * *

  


The feeling of Alya coming against his mouth and around his fingers was not one Nino was going to forget. Not for a long, long time.

  


* * *

  


After they cleaned each other up and straightened out their costumes, they slunk back into the club, Nino dropping off his loaned keys with the manager before looking for his friends.

After finding Kim (“I wanted to spend time with these two,” said Kim, winking while his arms were wrapped around a devil and an angel) and Max (“Nathaniel is my favourite webcomic artist,” Max said, pointing to the red-haired pirate he’d been talking with), but not Adrien, Nino was cursing himself for taking so long.

“You need to relax. I’m sure he’s fine,” Alya said.

“No, you don’t get it,” Nino said, searching the club frantically. “He’s a home-schooled kid with an overprotective father. I can count on _one hand_ how many times he’s been to a nightclub.”

Not that Rebondir was seedy or anything. But the buddy system was _important,_ dammit.

“It’s his birthday, I should be looking out for him and making sure he’s having fun, not...” Nino sighed as they turned the corner, heading down a more secluded corridor of the club. Adrien hadn’t been at the bar, the dance floor, or any of the seating areas, and he wasn’t answering his texts. If he was still in the club, he had to be near the toilets, the kitchen, or the coat check.

“He’s a big boy, he’ll be—what the _fuck?!_ ”

Nino glanced up and felt every one of his muscles lock up in shock.

Adrien, still in full Spider-Man gear and with the bottom half of his mask pushed up, was pressing Alya’s Black Cat best friend against the wall as they hardcore _made out_.

Seriously.

Marinette had a leg hooked over Adrien’s hip, his hand was beginning to slide between her thighs, and red lipstick was smeared _everywhere_.

The first sign of the apocalypse quickly ended when Marinette ripped away from Adrien at Alya’s voice, tripped over her own feet, and would have fallen to floor if Adrien hadn’t wrapped his arms around her waist.

They ended up in a dip. Alya breathed out slowly and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Shit! Um, uh, heeeeeeey, Alya,” Marinette slurred, face red.

Adrien took one look at Nino’s crossed arms and hastily righted them both.

“ _Dude,_ ” Nino said, disbelieving. _This_ was his nerdy best friend?

Adrien seemed to shrink back before he pulled himself together, tugging Marinette closer to him.

“I _like_ her,” he declared. “It’s my birthday and I’ll do whoever I want.”

“What,” said Nino.

“ _Who_ ,” Adrien shot back.

“Where!” Marinette yelled, raising a hand in the air, flush high in her cheeks.

“ _Why?_ ” Alya asked the ceiling.

“When?” Adrien finished, looking confused.

“ _How_ you two got so drunk, I have no idea,” Alya sighed. “But if you want to have sex, it’s gonna be tomorrow, when you’re both sober.” She stepped forward. “Time to go, girl.”

“Noooooooo,” Marinette wailed, hiding behind an even more confused Adrien. “Spider-Man and Black Cat always fuck. You _said_ so, Alya!”

“ _Being in a relationship_ does not mean _always fucking_ , oh my god—hey! Get back here!”

Marinette tried to drag Adrien away, probably to somewhere even more dark and secluded to have their wicked way with each other. Alya and Nino quickly put a stop to their escape attempt by blocking off the exits.

“I’m sure you had a lot of fun, bro,” Nino said, clapping a hand on Adrien’s shoulder. “And I’m happy for you. But you’re my friend and friends stop friends from having one-night stands when they’re clearly, _ridiculously_ drunk.”

“We’re friends?” Adrien asked, looking teary-eyed. Nino was torn between rolling his eyes and tearing up as well.

“ _Best_ friends,” he said, slinging Adrien’s arm around his shoulder to hold him steady. “Come on, let’s get you into bed.”

“With Black Cat?” Adrien mumbled.

“Nuh-uh,” Alya cut in. She hadn’t bothered with trying to help her best friend—she just lifted Marinette over her shoulder and started walking. “This little lady's coming home with me.”

Nino felt a flash of disappointment. He was really, _really_ looking forward to seeing Alya’s apartment (specifically, her bedroom, but he honestly wasn’t picky). It was Alya’s sympathetic smile that helped calm him.

They both had friends to take care of and that was all there was to say about that.

  


* * *

  


“You’re Shanks,” were the first words out of Adrien’s mouth when he saw the pirate guy Max was still with. “Oh my god, you like One Piece. Oh my god, _do you know[Binks’ Sake](https://youtu.be/b1oB5_KAZiE)?!_ ”

The gleam in Max’s and Nathaniel’s eyes was really scary. In unison, they burst into an actual _sea shanty_.

“Je m'en vais de bon matin,  
Livrer le bon rhum de Binks.  
Les vagues dansent et je chevauche,  
Les flots au gré du vent—”

“Dude, forget about anime for a second, I think your Black Cat’s about to puke,” Nino interrupted, more than ready to drag Adrien away from his unrelentingly nerdy sing-a-long. “Max, Adrien’s done for the night. Do you need a ride home?”

“I think I’ll take the Métro,” said Max, looking thoroughly amused by Nino and Alya’s struggles.

  


* * *

  


Kim, when they went by to check on him, didn’t really feel like leaving yet.

“No worries man, the Métro station is close by,” he said.

The devil man Kim held in one arm pressed a kiss to his neck. The angel woman snuggled into Kim’s other side and he smirked.

“But maybe I won’t even need to go home, huh?” he finished, leering at his companions.

Nino would _not_ roll his eyes again tonight. He _refused_. “Max is still here, so make sure to tell him when you leave, okay?”

Kim shot him a thumbs-up and then their group was off to the car.

  


* * *

  


Figuring out who was going to sit where was both really difficult and really simple.

Nino and Alya would have preferred staying together in the front. Adrien and Marinette argued for having the back seat all to themselves.

But that was the problem. If Alya and Nino took their eyes off their best friends for a few measly seconds, Marinette and Adrien would go right back to drunkenly making out.

They finally decided that Marinette and Alya would sit in the back, Adrien would be in the front with Nino driving, and everything would be fine. And it was.

Almost.

It was baffling how Adrien managed to eyefuck Marinette while he was still half-wearing his mask. But it was happening. And it was _distracting_.

“What do I have to do to get a number out of you?” Marinette asked, coyly looking up at Adrien with fluttering eyelashes. Adrien reached into the backseat and clasped her hand, bringing it up to his lipstick smeared lips.

“Who,” he corrected with a purr and Nino groaned.

“Alright, break it up you two,” Alya said, gently prying their hands apart and pulling down Adrien’s mask. “If I let you exchange phone numbers, will you keep your weird, drunk flirting to yourselves?”

Adrien and Marinette nodded quickly. In moments, they were engrossed with inputting each other’s numbers. Then they were absorbed with their own phones as they rapidly texted and _giggled_.

Alya met Nino’s eyes through the rear-view mirror and they both struggled not to laugh.

  


* * *

  


“My Prince Charming!” Marinette wailed.

“Princess!” Adrien cried.

“Dude, _stay in the car_ , it’s still raining!” Nino snapped, trying to keep Adrien from crawling out the window. “You’re going to get soaking wet, you’ll get _sick_ , and then Nathalie will have my head on a pike!”

Finally parked in front of Alya’s building, Nino and Alya were trying to say goodbye over Adrien and Marinette’s drunken dramatics. With Adrien child-locked in the back seat and Marinette slung over Alya’s shoulder again, they should have been fine.

“Not as wet as _me_ ,” Marinette said and yelped when Alya lightly smacked her butt.

“Quiet, you,” Alya said. She sighed and shot Nino a rueful smile. “I’m really sorry about this, if we kept a better eye on them—”

“Hey, it takes two to tango,” Nino said, shrugging. “I know we were hoping to spend tonight together, but...I’m pretty happy with how things turned out.”

“You are?” she asked.

“Well, yeah. My best friend got to have a great birthday party and meet someone new, who’s _your_ best friend, and...I got to see you.” Nino reached out, lacing their fingers together.

Alya’s eyes lidded as she squeezed his hand, a crooked smile tugging at her lips. Nino wondered when he’d get to see her like this again. Or like before, when she was intent and wanton, her mouth dropping as she came—

“Good night,” he croaked and Alya grinned.

“Sweet dreams~” she said. Tugging at his hand, she pulled Nino closer, head tilting up as if to—

In the corner of his eye, he thought he saw something moving. Turning his head, Nino caught Adrien leaning fully out of the car window, kissing Marinette even as she hung over Alya’s shoulder.

“God dammit,” Nino growled, already stepping away from Alya. “Will you two stop making out for _five seconds?!_ ”

  


* * *

  


Thankfully, the ride back to Nino’s apartment was uneventful. Adrien pined loudly and repeatedly for ‘my Black Cat’ while Nino resisted the slight temptation to gag Adrien with _something_.

“She was so _awesome_ ,” Adrien moaned as he hung off Nino’s body. Nino, focused on getting them both to his front door, nodded absently.

“Uh-huh,” he said. Where did he put his keys?

“Crazy awesome,” Adrien insisted. “Crazy _hot_.”

“That’s great,” said Nino, unlocking his door and pushing it open.

They staggered inside his dark apartment, dropping keys on nearby counters and flicking on lights as Nino headed directly to his bed. With a groan, he dumped Adrien on the covers.

“She was so much fun, y’know?” Adrien said, keeping still as Nino pulled off the Spider-Man mask and unzipped the back of Adrien’s costume.

“Was she?” Nino asked. He turned and started rummaging through his drawers. He had a spare set of pyjamas here _somewhere_... “Hey, can you get out of that costume? It’s probably not a good idea to sleep in it.”

Adrien automatically started to strip, still starry eyed. “She taught me to _dance_ , Nino.”

“I thought you already knew how?” Yup, there were those pesky pyjamas.

Nino tossed them at Adrien and politely looked away from his bro’s boner.

“This was _club_ dancing, Nino,” said Adrien as he pulled on the pants. “Like holding each other close and grinding and—”

“Adrien,” Nino interrupted, placing his hands on Adrien’s shoulders. “Dude. My best bro. I’m glad, so glad you had fun on your birthday. But it’s time for bed.” Nino let go and lifted a corner of the blanket. “In you go.”

Adrien looked at him with betrayed puppy eyes. “But—”

“ _In_.”

Grumbling, Adrien crawled into bed and pouted while Nino tucked him in, making sure Adrien was resting on his side to avoid any choking if he puked. When that was done, Nino grabbed the trash can from the washroom and set it next to the bed, along with water and aspirin on the bedside table.

“I’m gonna sleep on the couch, so just yell if you need help, okay? Good night, Adrien.”

“But—!”

“Call her in the morning,” Nino said, firmly. He left the door half-open to hear Adrien better. Quickly throwing a couple of spare blankets and a pillow on the couch, he pulled off his own costume and got ready for bed.

He didn’t realize how exhausted he was until he burrowed into the couch. Nearly asleep, Nino jolted when his phone buzzed.

[♥alya♥] u get home alright?

Nino smiled and started typing.

[me] Yeah

[me] Is your kid asleep too?

[♥alya♥] ye

[♥alya♥] shes fussy but she falls asleep if u pet her enough

[me] That’s cute

[me] But not as cute as you ♥

[♥alya♥] ohh smooth talker huh

[♥alya♥] u kno

[♥alya♥] i have something else that needs petting

[♥alya♥] _sent a .jpeg file!_ download?

Opening the photo, Nino felt his lungs stop, his heartbeat shifting into overdrive.

Alya framed it so that her camera’s focus was on the front of her panties, her slip pushed up to show off the lacy garment. But the main attraction was the hand she slid underneath, curled fingers tenting the fabric.

Nino glanced at his bedroom door, heard nothing, and slowly pushed down his stifling boxers.

  


* * *

  


Alya was, hands-down, the selfie _goddess_.

  


* * *

  


[♥alya♥] u up 4 round 2? ;D

[me] Mercy

For Nino, keeping quiet while he came was doable. But he hadn’t yet cleaned up after himself when he heard the bedroom door open.

Panicking, Nino pulled up his boxers (augh) and his blankets, shoving his phone under his pillow to hide the light. He closed his eyes and deliberately slowed his breathing.

_Yup, sleeping, just sleeping, no sexting going on here..._

Nino couldn’t tell how long Adrien was looking at him, but he heard the door shut. After a moment, there was the faint ring of Adrien’s phone and then a low murmur as he talked to someone. But who would be calling this late—?

Wincing, Nino realized he forgot to leave a message with Adrien’s staff about where they were. No doubt it was Nathalie or Wayzz or maybe even Plagg calling to chew Adrien out.

Oh well, too late now.

Grabbing a tissue box from the coffee table, Nino wiped himself up as much as possible and hid the wadded tissues under the couch for now. He quickly texted Alya back, asking for a rain check, and finally settled down.

He fell asleep to the tick of his living room clock and his best friend’s muffled voice.

  


* * *

  


[♥alya♥] nino fuck alksjdhfkjads

[♥alya♥] mari had phone sex w/ ur bff

[♥alya♥] IN

[♥alya♥] MY

[♥alya♥] BED

[♥alya♥] i love her & im happy 4 her

[♥alya♥] but i need 2 Make her pay.

Looking at the soiled sheets Adrien left behind in his hurry to make a photoshoot, Nino shook his head and texted back.

[me] As long as it’s petty and harmless and we get both of them

[me] Count me in

[♥alya♥] >:]

[me] ...

[me] Was that a homestuck reference?

[♥alya♥] >;]


End file.
